"Sam - you must know by now what sort of people you're dealing with, but just because they seem primitive, doesn't make them stupid. If you take any more men in there, you're asking for trouble and I would strongly suggest you get back here with Teal'c before you're discovered. God only knows what they would do to him!"
Teal'c suddenly stepped into camera range and pointed at something behind the Stargate. His voice crackled for a moment then cleared. "We have already been discovered JacobCarter."
A blast of orange energy engulfed the MALP and the last thing Hammond saw was Teal'c running for the DHD before the transmission was lost. They all held their collective breaths until the familiar echoing ring of chevrons engaging filled the gate room. Walter didn't state the obvious; he waited until the code came in, one finger hovering over the iris release button.
"It's SG1, sir," he confirmed in an even tone. Hammond nodded and the iris withdrew seconds before the wave effect lit the room.
Teal'c stumbled into the gate room followed a split second later by Samantha Carter, still aiming her P90 at the event horizon. She glanced quickly up at the observation window and shouted, "close the iris!"
Walter slammed his palm down on the button and the huge metal protective sheets slid closed with a satisfying thump. Hammond went to meet one half of his flagship team on the ramp and steadied Teal'c arm. "Report Major."
Carter stowed her weapon and came to attention. "Sir - we were attacked by a group of slavers from the mountains. They were very eager to obtain Teal'c and I believe he may have been tagged by a tranquilliser dart."
With an imaculate sense of comic timing, Teal'c toppled like a tree, eyes glazed and breathing almost non-existent. Hammond winced as the huge Jaffa hit the metal ramp abd he shouted up to the control room, "get a medical team down here right away," then under his breath he added, "really aught to get some padding on this ramp!"
Jacob Carter shook his head again and began pacing the floor of the briefing room. He was more than a little worried about Jack and Daniel's fate at the hands of the Queen of Vixna, but his daughter was asking the impossible. No Tok'ra in his right mind would attempt a rescue under these circumstances.
"Sam, the women on this world are in charge, the men are their slaves. It's not genetic, the women deliberately keep the men uneducated and ignorant. They can't just be reasoned with. To them, the men are chattel, goods to be bartered. They have no rights in that society."
"Which is exactly why we can't leave them there," she insisted.
Hammond cleared his throat and all eyes were on him. "No one is suggesting that Major, but we have to think this through. Now if I can't send in a team and we can't reason with them, what does that leave us?"
Sam bit her lip and looked between the two Generals hopefully. Military tactics were their forte. Jacob looked reluctantly at George. "Undercover?" he said doubtfully. Sam raised an eyebrow. Jacob sighed and rubbed his temple where the beginning of a headache was forming. "We could send you and Teal'c back in undercover. You'd be a rich slave owner looking to acquire fresh merchandise, and Teal'c here would be your...er..." he waved his hands about in an attempt to make the scenario clearer.
Teal'c sat up straighter in his chair and tried to remain dignified. "I will not pose as a slave JacobCarter," he boomed.
Sam was licking her lips thoughtfully. "No, no wait T, this could work. We go in, scout about and ascertain their whereabouts, attempt to free them quietly, with as little fuss as possible. A stealth attack, if you will."
Teal'c frowned and sat back in his chair, clearly indicating what he thought of this plan with his silence.
Jacob sighed and got to his feet. "Give me a couple of hours to see what intel I can come up with. The likeliest scenario is that they will be taken to a slave market for auction. There's one inside the Palace walls every week and the mountain slavers like to off-load their cargo as quickly as they can. You'll need appropriate clothing and cash - lots of cash. I'll need to call in more than a few favours. "
Hammond nodded and got to his feet. "Dismissed people. Report back here in two hours."
Jack crawled towards the weak voice coming from the corner of the cage. The only light crept in from a tiny hole in the cloth that was thrown over their very secure accommodation. Accommodation that bounced and jolted alarmingly as he tried to get his bearings. They were definitely on the move. He found the prone body with his foot.
"You ok buddy?"
Daniel groaned and tried to sit up. "Tranks?" he whispered groggily.
Jack propped himself against the cold metal bars and sighed deeply. The undulating motion of their cage was making him decidedly seasick. "Yup. Got a dart in the right butt cheek. You?"
Daniel's voice winced in the darkness. "Left."
They sat in silence for a moment, both gradually regaining some awareness.
"Are you naked?"
Jack had been wondering how long this would take. He was impressed. It had taken him nearly three whole minutes to figure out his clothes were missing. "As a Jaybird, Daniel. You?" He could hear Daniel patting himself, hoping perhaps to find a scrap of clothing, a sock would probably do.
"So it would seem. Damn - why does this always happen to us?"
Jack stood up and his head impacted with the roof of the cage. So - standing is out and sitting is uncomfortable. Can't hover! Jack knelt down carefully trying to avoid the tiny stones littering the floor. Daniel was getting a bit stronger now and a lot pissier. "Bastards! Why the hell did they shoot us Jack? All I said was hello."
"Maybe you pronounced it wrong. Wouldn't be the first time."
Even in the darkness, Jack could hear the outrage in his friend's voice. "I'm a Linguist Jack - I don't mispronounce stuff. Maybe you pissed them off somehow - now that definitely wouldn't be the first time."
Jack picked up a small stone and tried to guess where Daniel's head was. Whoosh, ping, plonk.
"What the hell was that?"
"Daniel, are we going to have to go through one of those dammed sex rituals again?" He asked, trying to focus on all the good stuff that could happend to a naked man.
"Daniel? Question too difficult for you?"
He heard Daniel sigh and shuffle his feet about.
"Actually I think were off to market, and not to buy a fine pig either."
"We are the pigs Jack"
"Ah - I hate this planet" said Jack through clenched teeth.
"Holy Hannah!" said two voices in unison. The two Carters stood shoulder to shoulder, their faces mirroring shock and in Sam's case, approval. Hammond's jaw dropped and he quickly cast his gaze towards the floor.
Teal'c managed to maintain his dignity throughout despite the serious disadvantage his costume put him at. The collar around his neck was studied with jewels the size of hockey pucks and the black leather loincloth draped around his waist covered very little of his impressive credentials. The leash attached to the collar hung down his bare chest, swinging as he walked into the room. He lifted in casually and twirled it like an exotic dancer twirling a tassel!
Carter tried to get her breathing back under control. Her own costume was far more demure. A tight black bodice crusted with jewels, black leather pants, and a glittery, hight collared cloak. The high heels were almost impossible to walk in but she had done some practice in the gear-up room and could now teeter with a modicum of poise. She felt a reject from an old sci-fi movie. Ming the Merciless daughter perhaps, or the super permed princess from the 80's tv show Buck Rodgers.
Jacob sat down heavily on a chair and rubbed frantically at his throbbing temples.
"George - this is a BAD idea," he wailed. The General shrugged and placed both hand of the briefing room table.
"Its all we have Jacob. Ok - people, lets do it."
"Easy for you to say" Sam muttered under her breath. As Teal'c turned and strode out of the briefing room, his loincloth flapped wildly and three sets of eyes tried not to linger on his assets.
"I think she wants you to bend over," Daniel said as the huge woman ranted and gesticulated wildly at Jack. The Colonel squinted up at the giantess rudely. She answered by grabbing a handful of his hair and forcing him roughly to his knees.
On arrival at the Palace, the men had been unloaded from their cage and brought into an underground holding area with a great many other men. The smell of stale sweat and other, less savoury aromas was prolific. Jack felt his knees skidding on something warm and slimy and almost threw up. At least they had been given back their clothes. Or at least some of them. BDU trousers, but no undergarments, jacktets or even t-shirts.
The large woman grabbed his jaw and forced her fingers into his mouth. Jack looked like he might be in a biting mood so Daniel got his attention and shook his head firmly. They were in enough trouble already without that.
Jack allowed the filthy finger to probe his teeth but his eyes said clearly - gonna kill ya. Maybe not right now - but eventually - count on it!
Finally she released him and grabbed Daniel for a similar investigation. She then turned him round and squeezed one perfect buttock. Daniel yelped and it was all Jack could do not to take a swing at their massive jailer, and to fuck with her being a woman!
Smiling, she patted Daniel fondly on the head and pushed the two men into another holding cell. When the sound of her feet on the cold stone floor had receded, Jack placed his hands on his hips and turned to Daniel. "Well Stanley - this is another fine mess you've gotten me into!"
Carter glanced unhappily at the four men standing before her, manacled and eyes averted. She wasn't happy at all about having to buy slaves to carry the litter, but she could hardly arrive at a slave market on foot when she was supposed to be such a Big Cheese. The men were almost as big a Teal'c, which was fortunate because they would have to carry him too. As her 'pet', he would be expected to travel on the litter with her.
She pretended that she was assessing the men carefully before giving a slight sigh. She reached into the folds of her cloak and tossed a small pouch of coins to the dealer. The woman caught it in a meaty hand and jangled the bag greedily.
Sam lifted Teal'cs leash and gave it a little tug. The big Jaffa narrowed his eyes but the twinkle in Carters own eyes seemed to reassure him. He stepped closer and allowed her to trail a finger across his chest. In his opinion, Major Carter was enjoying her power a little too much.
They stepped onto the litter and Teal'c curled himself around her back. She pulled the long leather whip from its holster and expertly cracked it in the air above the litter carrier's heads. Teal'cs eyebrow was in real danger of leaving his forehead. Obviously, Major Carter had some experience in the use of this device. He made a mental note to himself to investigate further once the mission was over.
"Ok this has gone far enough! Put him down."
Jack was using his command voice now but it didn't seem to impress the massive Amazon currently pinning his archaeologist to the wall with one hand whilst caressing his happy sacks with the other. Not that Jack posed much of a threat, chained and manacled to the wall as he was. She threw him a cursory glance before going back to (wo)man handling a desperately squirming Daniel. Jack rattled the chains a little, hoping to distract her again but sadly it was not to be.
"Jack! Do something!" squeaked Daniel as the Amazon tried to figure out the alien technology we call a zipper.
"Like to - can't."
Jack rattled his chains again, more forcefully this time. He was about to start using his Scary Colonel voice, when the large wooden door at the top of the stairs cranked open and their jailer dropped Daniel in a heap. A tall shadow appeared, lengthening as the figure slowly descended the stairs. This woman was smaller than most of the others they had seen but somehow three times as frightening. She cast the Amazon a withering look then stepped up to the cage bars.
She spoke a few words in a language neither Jack, nor surprisingly Daniel could understand and left in a swirl of silver and gold robes. The Amazon made a rude gesture to her retreating back but unlocked Jack's manacles as she had obviously been instructed to do. She secured their hands behind their backs, then hauled both men from the cell.
"I think its show time Jack." Daniel hissed between rattling teeth.
The ring was large by cattle market standards and Sam soon saw why. They bought and sold whole herds of males in this ring. She was reclining on silken cushions, furry throws and a large portion of muscular Jaffa. The view was good but she hadn't seen the Colonel or Daniel yet. She wasn't even sure that they were here.
Teal'c cleared his throat quietly enough not to draw anyone's attention but hers and she turned slowly to look at him. He let his eyes drift to the left then nodded ever so slightly. Sam waited for a heartbeat then following his direction, turned to watch as the latest batch of males were brought forth.
They were a sorry looking bunch of men; all filthy and half starved. But the two at the back caught her eye as they had Teal'cs. Jack was trying to impose himself between Daniel and the huge female jailer that seemed to be rubbing the archaeologist's ass.
She frowned and reached under the cushions to check that her Zat was still there, almost wishing that she could have managed to conceal a P90 just to hear the satisfying budabudabuda of bulltets rending flesh. She bit down on that bloodthirsty thought as her fingers closed over the weapons shaft. This would have to do.
Daniel squinted in the sunlight after so many hours in the darkness of their cell. He was tired, hungry, and thirsty and a more than a little sore from all the groping that he'd been getting. If they ever got out of this one, Jack was going to have to go without for a few days while he re-grew some skin! Jack, of course was fine. He seemed to thrive in situations like this, probably due to the fact that he could always fall back on military training and survival techniques to get him through like they were old familiar friends. Daniel just wanted be in bed. Jack's bed. But with no groping going on.
Suddenly the crowd went wild and Daniel took his first good look around. In his slightly dehydrated and muddled state, the amphitheatre and crowds of jeering spectators could only mean that he was about to become the Christian in some Lion's sandwich. But when no ravenous carnivores appeared, he shuffled along behind the other men, too tired to really care. He had been seperated from his glasses a long time ago so it was difficult to make out details anyway.
It didn't take long before the seven men in front of Daniel had been paraded, bought and removed leaving only him and Jack on the raised platform.
Then the bidding began in earnest. Daniel decided to take an interest in the proceedings and watched the crowd to see who was interested in purchasing a couple of slightly sagging Tauri warriors with one careful owner (and a whole lot of not so careful ones) between them.
Before long it was a heated competition between an absurdly rotund middle-aged female with a red face, bad acne and no front teeth, and a rather attractive blonde who was too far away for Daniel to see properly, but who appeared to be petting a panther.
He elbowed Jack in the ribs. "I don't fancy yours much," he stage-whispered, nodding towards the toothless wonder. Jack winced and turned his attention back to the blonde. There was something familiar about the hair-do. He craned his neck to get a better look and the toothless wonder almost had a heart attack. She was drooling as she made what appeared to be an excessive bid judging by the audience reaction. Daniel, now paying full attention was beginning to get the hang of the language.
"Apparently we are do-able, Jack." he smiled at his friend. This wasn't exactly news to Daniel, who had worked out how do-able Jack was months ago. "They haven't had men of our 'stature' come through the auctions in years."
Jack tried to do the impossible by trying to make himself inconspicuous, and catch the blonde's attention, all at the same time. The Panther stretched luxuriantly and winked at him. Fuck! No mistaking Teal'c but what the hell was he nearly wearing? By now Daniel had made the connection too.
"Well I'll be..."
"Yeah you will be - later," hissed Jack as the auctioneer waved a chubby finger in the air, looking for all the world like a woman about to close the bidding.
Jack was bouncing up and down on his heels, stopping short of waving his hands only because they were bound behind his back. The auctioneer made one last wave and suddenly the blonde raised her hand distractedly while fiddling with her pet's leash.
"Leash!!!" Jack groaned suddenly getting all sorts of ideas he'd never even considered before. The crowd went wild again but he barely heard it. Daniel was tugging at his arm.
"Jack is Teal'c naked? Wait, no - there's a black leather loincloth and a ... a collar!"
Daniel glanced sideways at the Colonel who was crossing his legs and dancing about in a vain attempt to hide a new growth of wood that had sprouted up at the mention of the word leather...or collar, Daniel wasn't sure which. Either way, being half naked and horny in front of this many people was a bit embarrassing.
The toothless predator was almost apoplectic now. She too had noticed Jack's predicament and was determined to be the one to help him out of it. She waved her hands wildly in the air and the auctioneer beamed at her. Jack glared at Carter, mentally promising that if she didn't get her finger out and buy his ass soon, he was gonna get her reassigned to Antarctica without thermal long Johns!
As the auctioneer brought her hammer up again, Sam made a huge production of examining her fingernails then waved a bored hand in the air. Daniel let out his breath in a loud whoosh.
"I hope she has the funds to back up her bidding or we're all in a lot of trouble."
"Shut up Danie.l" Jack didn't want to consider the alternative. He tried to imagine himself in a similar get up to Teal'cs, being led around on a leash by the red faced midget and shuddered. That had the added advantage of getting rid of his hard-on rather quickly!
He risked a quick look at the midget in question, who in turn was glaring daggers at their own sweet Sammy. She wasn't gonna let this go. Jack could tell. Somewhere in the pit that called itself his brain, he was actually enjoying this. Two women fighting over his ass. Woo hoo! Granted one of the women reminded him of something that lived under a ten year olds' bed and only came out at night, but what the hey - he wasn't exactly interested in Carter either. But at least she didn't need anyone to chew her food for her!
The midget stood up and gesticulated at the auctioneer until she had her full attention. She reached into the front of the robe and pulled out a large jingly bag of coins. A satisfied smile spread across her face as she tossed the bag to the auctioneer, clearly believing that this bid would synch the deal. Jack paled as he watched Carter's face fall. Damn. Not good. He nudged Daniel. "Okay, Space Monkey, how good is your hundred meter sprint?"
"It would be better if my hands weren't tied behind my back," Daniel replied.
The auctioneer was gazing patiently at Sam, obviously waiting for another round of bidding while the toothless wonder was nearly foaming at the mouth. Jack shuddered again and decided that he wasn't gonna suffer alone. Leaning close he whispered into Daniel's ear.
"No teeth Daniel - bet she can suck up a storm!"
"Ewwwww!" Daniel suddenly got the urge to bounce up and down on his heels and try to get Sam's attention too. The crowd went wild again and parted like the red sea to allow the mysterious blonde beauty and her pet to enter the area. As she drew close, Jack saw what she was wearing and gulped. Black leather pants. Niiiice.
Sam swaggered up to the two men and cast assessing blue eyes over them both. Jack's eyes narrowed speculatively. She was playing her part well, pretending to want a closer look at the merchandise before committing such a large amount of cash. He couldn't fault her tactics. He wasn't sure he liked the way she was licking her lips though.
Sam walked around behind Daniel and reached out to squeeze his shoulders. She ran a finger down his spine and Jack felt his lips thin dangerously. One more inch and she was gonna be scrubbing privies in Antarctica with a toothbrush.
Sam then stepped up behind Jack and grabbed his ass. Jack yelped and whirled around but was met with a solid wall of nearly naked Jaffa. He looked up into the sparkling black eyes and frowned. Teal'c was also playing his part well. Too dammed well. Sam met his eyes calmly, knowing that she was going to be hearing from the Colonel about the ass feeling thing for weeks after the mission was over, but glad she had done it, because she knew she would never get the chance again. Not if Daniel had any say in it.
Then, blue eyes sparking with mirth, she reached slowly into her cleavage and withdrew the biggest bag of coins Jack had ever seen and the crowd went ballistic. Daniel's grin was contagious and Jack found himself relaxing just a bit despite the warm, hand-shaped glow radiating form his derriere. She would pay. Oh yeah, she was going down for this!
"So T, about that costume?"
"To what are you referring, O'Neill?"
Jack sat cross-legged on Teal'cs floor while the Jaffa made his preparations for Kel-noreem. They had finished their debriefing with a highly amused but relieved General Hammond, who had locked the planet out of the dialling computer as being too dangerous to approach in the near future. Sam had taken the cowards way out and booked with her father for some R and R and Daniel had gone home to prepare some food.
"You know, the er... the thing you were wearing on the planet. The leather thingy"
Jack flushed red to the roots of his hair but he figured this was going to be worth the embarrassment. Before he could put his request into words, Teal'c reached behind his back and retrieved a very small package wrapped in newspaper. He handed it solemnly to his friend and gave one of those little Mona Lisa smiles that hinted he knew far more than most gave him credit for.
"The collar chafes a little when tugged," he advised, "and the loincloth causes a great deal of friction when walking. I suggest using barrier application of baby lotion.
Jack's eyes widened but he decided that discretion was the better part of valour after all and made a hasty retreat.
It might have started out shitty, but the day was definitely looking up. The only question still to be answered, was who got to wear the leather first. Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out his double sided gambling coin. He grinned widely and pulled out his phone.
"Hey Danny, I'm heading to the surface, be home in half an hour. Do me a favour and pop out to the nine eleven for some baby lotion. Apparently, you're gonna need it."