As I Slowly Go Nuts

First Published: May 11th, 2003
Rating: R
Pairing: Jack/Daniel
Word Count: 40kb

NOTES: This was the first Stargate fic I wrote and also, the first 'gay' fanfic I ever wrote. It was too painful to put it back up in its original format so I tidied it up a bit. I dont think I used a beta for this fic. Point of fact, I dont think I knew what a beta was when I wrote it!

Summary: Jack begins to question his sexuality after an incident off world and asks Daniel to help him discover the truth


"Carter, you gotta minute?"

O'Neill looked everywhere but at Sam so she figured this conversation was not going to be about work.  She sighed softly and pushed the microscope away.

"Sure, I was just going to head down to the Commissary for some coffee.  Join me?" He nodded, still not meeting her eyes. 

She stepped past him into the corridor, glancing back suspiciously as he fell into step behind her.  This was not good.  No wisecracks about her new hair-do.  No small talk.  Just brooding silence.  She slowed deliberately so that he drew up next to her.  She tried smiling but it came off as a pained smirk.

"So how did everything go on P2X1732?  Did Daniel do his magic?" she asked.

She wasn't imagining it, the Colonel actually flinched!  He flashed her a quick look through hooded lids then went right back to his avid examination of the floor.

"Sir?"

"Actually, its Daniel I want to talk about."

They reached the Commissary and found a table right at the back.  Not that it mattered; no one else was here so late in the evening.  The kitchen was closed but the coffee percolator bubbled away invitingly and a selection of cold cuts and sandwiches were still laid out in the chiller.  Sam poured two coffees and headed back to the table.  Jack was absently rubbing his forehead and she wondered if he had a headache.  He looked up at her approach and smiled gratefully as he accepted his cup. They sat in silence for a moment.  Sam was just about to ask him what was wrong when he totally floored her with a question of his own.

"Do you think I'm gay?"

Carter almost choked on the coffee.  She spluttered helplessly while glaring up at her CO through streaming eyes.  He pounded her on the back until she jerked her arm up sharply, her hand curled into a fist.  Jack recognised the sign for Freeze and stopped his helpful hammering. "Did you say gay Sir?  As in..."

"Gay, queer, A shirt lifter, light in the loafers...."

"Homosexual?" she interrupted the list of increasingly offensive descriptors.

"That too." He gazed at her unwaveringly and she realised that he wasn't fooling here - he really wanted her to answer him.  Soon.  Shit!  She took a steadying breath and eyed him sceptically.

"Sir - you can't be serious."

He shook his head slightly and leaned conspiratorially closer. "This is personal stuff - Don't call me Sir - its just Jack and Sam. OK?  So - I ask you again, do you think I'm gay?"

"No SIR, jack, I mean no JACK! Sir"

He sighed and shook his head again letting it drop wearily onto his hands.  Sam stared at the top of his head wondering when he was going to burst out laughing and say surprise!  He didn't.  Finally he looked up. "Gender isn't exactly an issue on P2X1732 if you catch my drift.  I spent most of my time there beating half the male population of the village away from Daniel with a stick. He was totally oblivious of course.  Then I noticed that one or two of them actually looked interested in me - would ya believe it?"

Sam smiled fondly behind the cover of her hand.  Jack often had difficulty believing that anyone would be interested in his 'saggy old butt'.  (His words, not hers) He may have hidden the insecurity over his age well but it was still there.  Sam tried to imagine how Jack had coped with the situation and just couldn't.  She stopped grinning long enough to answer. "So because some guys found you desirable, you think you might be gay?  I'm no expert, but I think you have to reciprocate to be classed as actively gay.  I take it you did not reciprocate?"

"NO - for cryin' out loud Carter, give me a little credit.  Even if I did - so much for don't ask, don't tell!"

Sir - I thought you were asking?"

"Right, good point - but getting away from the issue here.  See It's not a question of whether or not I am or am not actually technically... um gay, it's other people's perception of me that has me a little confused."

"Other people - Oh! Does Daniel think you're gay?"

His face closed in again and he began furiously rubbing the back of his neck.  Carter had never seen her CO quite this nervous.  She leaned forward encouragingly. "Sir... Jack.  Whatever you tell me will remain strictly between us.  You can trust me."

He looked up and met her eyes unflinchingly. "I know I can Sam, but this isn't easy.   I really suck at this stuff.  Its easier if I just tell you what happened out there." He took a mouthful of luke warm coffee, swallowed hard and began again.   "The leader of the village finally cracked and agreed to sign the mining treaty.  Woopty doo and everyone is happy.  He offers me his son or daughter, whichever I desire, as part of the evening's entertainment, which I obviously refuse.  Daniel is sitting there killing himself laughing and whispering in my ear that I might offend the Chief if I refuse!  soooooo....."

Carter found herself smiling and quickly hid it behind her hand again.

"...so I say to his highness, I already have a mate and it's against my custom to be unfaithful.  Nothing wrong with that - quick thinking and all that, yes?"

Sam nodded vigorously, as speaking was not a thing she could attempt while silently choking to death!

"And he stands up and looks straight at Daniel and says 'Of course, if I had a mate as beautiful as this one, I would not think to look at another'.  Well that stopped the smug little bastard laughing!" Jack got up and began pacing the floor, rubbing at his neck the whole time. 

Sam scrubbed furiously at her face in a vain attempt to wipe the smile off it and watched him. "So he thinks you and Daniel are a couple.  So what?"

Like a flash he was back in his seat, eyes desperate, hands clasped tightly over hers. "He's not the first to think that!  Do you have any idea how many of our own troops think I'm screwing Daniel?  Everywhere we go, people seem to think I'm doing the wild thing with the cute archeologist."

Sam decided to let the 'cute' reference go and freed her hands.  She sat back deliberately taking a relaxed attitude.  As a matter of fact, she was aware of those rumours.  In a place like this, it was almost inevitable.  But there were rumours going around about her relationship with Jack too, and with Teal'c even with Janet.  It was the price they paid for the secrecy of the project.  You just had to learn to ignore them!  She hadn't realised that they affected Jack at all.

"And it bothers you this much?"

"He deserves better." Jack sighed.

"Better than you?"

"Better than THAT!" Jack threw his hands up in the air in frustration.   "Look at what the poor bastard's been through these last few years.  Why should be have to put up with rumours about his sexuality now?  I've tried to keep him ignorant of this stuff but I think I might be coming across as over protective.  Whadda you think?"

And there was a whole can of worms just waiting to be opened. "Are we still 'Jack and Sam' or am I gonna get my ass in a sling if I speak freely?"

Jack leant back in his chair now, gazing at her coolly through hooded brows. "Just say what you think - I wont shoot ya"

Okay then, she would have to take his word for it. And actually, it was about time someone brought this to Jack's attention. "Sir - I often wonder why he doesn't just punch you right in the nose.  If you treated me like I was an incompetent baby, I would so take you down. "

"I do that huh?"

He was grinning a bit, so she felt safe to continue. "He knows its because you care, and quite frankly sir, he's nuts about you so he lets you away with it. But...."

She realised what she had she a heartbeat too late.  Jack sat frozen in his seat, his eyebrow crawling off the top of his head. "Excuse me?"

"Daniel, he thinks a great deal of you, sir."

"NUTS.  You said he was nuts about me.  What does that mean, exactly?"

Sam pushed back her chair and got shakily to her feet.  Daniel had never actually said anything to her but he didn't have to.  Anyone with eyes in their head and a little compassion in their heart could see how he felt about Jack.  Anyone except Jack it would seem.  She neatly sidestepped his restraining arm and made for the door. "I have to get back to work now, sir.  Maybe you should take this up with Daniel?"

As she made her way back to the lab, she wondered if she was really doing Daniel a favour.  He had never made his feelings for Jack known to the colonel, primarily because he knew those feelings would never be returned and he cared enough not to want to make Jack uncomfortable.  Maybe Jack would do the same favour for Daniel and just leave it be, especially in light of the fact that he seemed so freaked out by the thought, but somehow, she doubted that!

~~<<*>>~~

Jack turned the door handle and was annoyed when the door to Daniel's loft swung open.  The place was in darkness and he cursed as he slipped stealthily inside.  If he'd told Daniel once, he'd told him a thousand times to lock his damn front door.  Dim firelight flickered in the living room and he headed in that direction.  He didn't see Daniel at first, The Sofa was empty, but as his eyes became accustomed to the low light, he made out the figure sprawled on the rug in front of the fire. 

Daniel had obviously had a bath recently; he was wearing (and Jack used the term loosely) a fluffy black towling bathrobe and nothing much else. His hair was still damp and curled at his forehead.  He lay on his back, a set of ancient headphones cupping his ears and a tall wine glass half full of something sparking was cradled lovingly in his hand.  His eyes were tight shut and his face was alight with wonder and rapture beyond anything Jack had ever seen.  He felt his heart constrict in his chest and had to fight to draw a single breath.  God - Daniel was beautiful!  There really was no better way to describle him.

As he stood there gaping at his friend like a fish, Daniel lifted his glass and began to wave it lightly through the air like a conductor waving his baton.  Daniel's lips pursed and his brows drew together in concentration as he waved his invisable orchestra towards a blazing crescendo.

Jack slipped closer and watched in fascination as Daniel's head began to thrash in time to the beat that only he could hear.  He stood dry mouthed and riveted to the spot as Daniel lifted his other hand and waved that about wildly too, causing the edges of his robe to slide further apart.  By now, a long expanse of thigh and half of his naked chest were exposed but he was oblivious, lost in the exquisite and resounding musical climax, he threw back his head and the ice-cold wine chose that moment to make a bid for freedom. 

Jack watched the liquid leave the glass in slow motion, arc gracefully upwards, then like a heat seeking missile, it impacted soundlessly onto Daniel's naked chest.  Several things happened at once.  Daniel's eyes shot open as the shockingly cold wine made contact with his exposed flesh.  The aforementioned shock jolted him upright allowing the errant bathrobe to slip completely off his shoulders, the wine glass left his nerveless fingers and shattered noisily against the hearth stones and the headphones were jerked so sharply that the jack came shooting out of Daniel's stereo blasting the two men's shattered senses with the final deafening crescendo of Carmen!

And then there was absolute, yet just as deafening, silence.

"Hi?" Jack croaked.

Daniel stared at his friend in stupefaction.  What the hell was Jack doing here at , he glanced at his watch, 1am?  He looked down at his robe and back at Jack.  He looked at the pieces of glass in the hearth and back at Jack.  He couldn't think of anything to say.  Jack seemed to be similarly lost for words.  As an afterthought, Daniel plucked at the edges of his robe and managed to make things even worse.  Jack quickly turned his back and covered his embarrassment by heading off to the Kitchen.  He warned Daniel to stay put. "I'll get a dustpan and clean up that glass.  Better watch you feet till I'm done."

Daniel could see shards of glass on the rug, glittering with a reddish hew of reflected firelight.  Any move on his part could result in serious laceration.  He stayed put like Jack told him but mostly it was out of shock.    He couldn't believe that Jack had been there watching him as he writhed about wontonly on the rug! Not that there was anything overtly sexual about enjoying music was there?   However the look in Jack's eyes had been a trifle ambiguous to say the least. 

At the sound of Jack's return, Daniel pulled himself, and his robe, together.  Jack flicked on the main light and Daniel flinched at the sudden invasive brightness.  Jack made himself busy with damage control as Daniel surreptitiously watched him.  His movements were quick and sure, quite the consummate soldier.  Daniel sighed.  Jack glanced up, his eyes smoky and hooded.

"Sorry I spoiled your quiet evening in.  I needed to talk to you.  Shoulda phoned first huh?"

Daniel gestured weakly at the discarded headphones. "Wouldn't have heard it ringing."

He got carefully to his feet and reached down to grab two corners of the rug then glanced expectantly at Jack.  Getting with the program, the Colonel bent and grabbed the other two corners and between them they tipped the rug towards the hearth and gave it a little shake.

"That'll have to do until tomorrow - I cant get the vacuum out at this time of night." Daniel tightened the belt on his robe and slipped past Jack on route to the kitchen. "I'll make instant if that's OK - the real stuff takes too long and it's late..."  he trailed off, realising that it had come out sounding a little rude.  He glanced over his shoulder and was surprised to see Jack rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "...or would you prefer a whiskey?  I think I might have some double malt somewhere."

Jack perked up right away.  Dutch courage - that was the ticket.  A couple of Glenfiddichs and he could ask Daniel anything.  He nodded once theatrically and bent to sweep up the last shards of glass from the hearth.  As he worked, his mind kept pulling him back to the image of Daniel, head thrown back, body arched and silhouetted by  firelight, a look of sheer joy of his face in that second before the wine hit him.  He had looked, well, wanton seemed appropriate.  He found himself wishing he could have been the one to put that look on Daniel's face and not Bizet.  Jack shook his head but the image remained. 

SHIT!  Shit, shit, shit, he was fantasising about his best friend!  This was not good. Where the hell had it come from? He was pretty sure he'd been straight when he'd woken up this morning.

When Daniel returned with a whiskey in one hand and a fresh glass of Chardonnay in the other, Jack had made himself at home.  Daniel rarely got to see the Colonel out of uniform, and on those occasions when he did, it was obvious to Daniel that this was a man who took clothes seriously.  He never wore anything that didn't come with a label.  Tonight was no exception.  He wore expensive and close fitting jeans and a pale grey Armani short-sleeved shirt.  The colour made the silver in his hair shimmer.  Daniel noticed that the main light had been switched off again but made no comment.

Jack was sprawled on the Sofa, his feet, now devoid of both socks and shoes, stretched across the whole length of it, his hands cupped behind his head.  He gazed at the fire as if in a trance.  Daniel cleared his throat and looked pointedly at Jacks legs taking up the only available seating area.

Jack swung his legs down and reached for his whiskey. "Shoudda brought the bottle Danny - could be a long night."

It hadn't escaped his notice that Daniel had taken a moment to throw on a pair of pyjama bottoms and a baggy old t-shirt.  Obviously he felt just as uncomfortable about being half naked in front of Jack as the colonel felt about seeing him that way.   Daniel plonked himself down next to Jack, took a deep draft of the wine and turned to his friend.

"What's on your mind Jack?"

Well full marks for getting right to the point Danny!  Jack gulped down a hefty swig of his whiskey and regarded Daniel over the rim of the glass.  Not nearly drunk enough yet!  He leaned back against the cushions and hedged. "Got any nuts? Or pretzels?"

"Do I look like a guy who would have pretzels?"

"Doritos?"

"...."

"Potato chips maybe?  I'll accept home made?"

"Jaa-aack?"

"Do you think I'm gay?"

"Whaa......?"

Oh dear God in heaven what was wrong with his mouth?   He had wanted to broach the subject of Daniels alleged feelings for him gradually and instead he had launched right in there with a heavily leading question. "Some guys on P2X1732 made a pass at me.  Thought I swung both ways ya know?"  Jack was aware that his voice was going up an octave but could do nothing to stop it.

"P2X....."

"1732 yeah.  Go figure!   You've never thought I might be gay or anything have you Daniel?"

"No Jack - I can honestly say I've never thought of that possibility."

Jack looked closely at his friend but couldn't read his expression at all.  He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and ploughed on. "Still, lots of people seem to think I am.  Makes you kinda wonder don't it?"

"Lots of........who thinks........wonder what?"

"Well wonder if they could be right?  I could be gay and not even know it."

Daniel got hastily to his feet and beat a retreat to the kitchen.  Jack let his breath out in a frustrated woosh.  TMI?  Too soon?  He was about to pull his shoes back on when Daniel re-emerged carrying the whiskey and a glass for himself.  He poured them both another stiff one and turned to face Jack.

"Ok Jack - I'll buy into your weird little game.  So - firstly, you can't be gay and not know it.  Secondly, You were happily married for 12 years and had a child. Thirdly, since I've known you, you've never looked at anyone in anything less than a B cup.  And finally, if you were gay, surely you would have been looking, you know, at some guys?  There are a few on the base that are seriously built."

Jack's eyes narrowed ominously. "How would you know?"

"Sam keeps pointing them out.  I often wonder how she can think so clearly with so many raging hormones flooding her synapses.  She wasn't too pleased when you managed to finagle separate showers for SG1 you know...."

Jack could see that they were veering off course. "Riiiiiiight!  Well the truth is - I've never looked at a guys ass and imagined myself.....doing.....anything with it." He trailed off as he finally did try to imagine what he had never imagined before.  His mind kept stalling on him before he got to the good bits.  Until he looked up at Daniel and heat flooded through him like a rip tide.  If it were Daniel's ass......!

"Jack - you are not gay.  Trust me.  Get over it."

Jack scooted closer to his friend and gave him a calculating look.  Daniel unconsciously moved further back until his shoulders made contact with the arm of the sofa and he could back off no further.  Jack was staring at him in a very disconcerting way.  This whole scenario was just surreal. 

First there was Jack's behaviour on PX1732.  Daniel was well aware of the covetous looks he had been drawing from both the male and female villagers.  Hadn't noticed anyone looking at Jack like that but it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility!  He was old enough to look after himself and yet Jack had done his usual heavy handed big colonel protector of innocent and weak archaeologist act!  Daniel hated that.  He knew it was Jack's job so he cut him some slack but it annoyed the hell out of him that Jack didn't trust him.

Then once they got back to base, Jack had withdrawn into himself.  It was unprecedented that Jack would voluntarily stay on base after the mission was over and they had downtime.  He had made some excuse about being behind with his reports - which Daniel knew was true but since when had it worried Jack?  For once Daniel had been the first of SG1 to head home.

He had deliberately tried to create a relaxed atmosphere this evening because of his turbulent emotions.  He felt lonely.  And excluded.  Jack and Teal'c were closer than ever, Teal'c and Sam had somehow got passed that nothing in common thing and were rapidly forging a friendship to rival that which Daniel and Jack had once shared.  'Once' being the operative word.

Daniel missed the closeness that the two men had lost.  It wasn't Jack's fault that he had fallen in love with Carter.  Given his nature, it was almost inevitable.  But it hurt.  Daniel didn't know why it had to hurt but it did.  Perhaps it was because as Jack grew closer to Sam, he had to grow further away from Daniel.  He had taken some measure of comfort from the realisation that the relationship wasn't going anywhere soon.  Sam was career military and would let nothing stand in her way, not even Jack.

And as for Jack, well his secret passion didn't seem to be eating him up inside the way Daniel's was!  He had chosen Carmen because the music had a way of taking him over so that he couldn't even think anymore.  That's what he needed now, oblivion.  He couldn't bear to analyse his emotions any longer.  Tonight, he had wanted to forget Jack.  And then he'd opened his eyes, and the vision of a face so heartbreakingly familiar that he knew it better than his own had croaked 'Hi' to him! 

Right now, that face was so near to his that he could feel Jack's breath against his cheek.  Panic was beginning to set in, he felt trapped and he felt strangely breathless! "So you came over here at 1am to ask me if I thought you were gay?" he asked softly. "Couldn't you have just asked Cater?  She would have gotten a real kick out of that."

Jack loomed ever closer "Did ask her.  She got a kick all right.  Danny - I'm gonna kiss you now."

"Waaa....?" 

Oh he was doing well tonight.  The renowned linguist who could speak 23 languages had been rendered speechless twice already this evening!  If this got out he would never work again!  He braced the palms of his hands against the rapidly advancing chest and shoved.

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because.......I....you.....we..........what are you trying to achieve Jack?""

"I need to know."

Daniel had tried to imagine what that would feel like so many times! But now that it was happening, he was not sure he was ready.

Daniel shoved harder.  His mouth had gone completely dry.  "Look, kissing me will only prove you're not attracted to me, not to men in general... have you been drinking? I mean before you got here?  Maybe I should give Janet a call, it might be some alien virus or something..."

Jack was curious and wanted to play and had no idea what that would do to Daniel! He couldnt let Jack kiss him, even as a joke! 

Then Jack closed the distance between them and Daniel could smell the faint smoky odour of the whiskey clinging to Jack's now perilously close mouth.   Unconsciously, Daniels tongue darted out to moisten his own dry lips as Jack's hand came up to cup Daniel's face.  His rough and work calloused thumb gently tracing the line of his jaw before coming to rest against those slightly parted lips.  Daniel gulped and closed his eyes.  Then Jack was speaking again. "Danny - you're my best friend.  It was either your or Teal'c and I figured I'd have more chance of walking away unscathed with you!  Throw me a godammed bone will ya?"

"Jack - I'm not kissing you.  Forget it." He was desperately clinging onto his sanity here.

"No tongues - I promise."

"Whaa....." And there it was - He was officially babbling!

Jack suddenly grabbed both Daniel's shoulders.  Then he used that sneaky Special Ops training to pull Daniel off balance and topple him forward so that he sprawled onto Jack who was now leaning back.  Their faces stopped an inch form each other and Daniel gasped in shock as he felt Jack's hand slide up his back, over his nape and upwards into his hair.

He knew he should be struggling but was paralysed by the dark glittering eyes that seemed to bore into his soul.  Jack deliberately and slowly slid his other hand down over the curve of his hip towards Daniel's ass.  This galvanised the archaeologist to action!  He twisted free of the encircling arms and rolled off onto the floor with a thump. 

Jack hauled his legs back up onto the Sofa and smiled evilly. "Knew I'd get this all to myself eventually."

Daniel stared at the Colonel in shock.  This had all been a ploy to get Daniel off the Sofa?  He opened his mouth to say something trite but nothing came out so he shut it again. 

The bastard! 

The sneaky, devious, arrogant, goddamned self-satisfied bastard!  Narrowing his eyes, Daniel felt his hackles rise at the sheer effrontery of the man. 

Well two could play at that game!  Daniel propped himself up in what he hoped was a provocative manner and gazed up at Jack through a fringe of long dark lashes."I've thought it over Jack," he practically purred.

"Hmm?" Jack had both hands cradled behind his head and a smug look on his face that Daniel was about to wipe right off.

"You're right!  What sort of a friend would I be if I let you worry yourself silly over this thing?  It was selfish of me...."

One of Jack's eyes shot open and focused on Daniel with faltering uncertainty.  Then Daniel reached up and began gently undoing Jacks shirt buttons.  He had to suppress a triumphant smile when he saw Jack gulp.  Give the man his due though; he remained still even though his first instinct must have been to grab Daniel's hands to make him stop.

".....after all, I'm sure you'd do the same for me Jack, if things were reversed right?"

"Hmmmf." Jack had thrown his arm across his face and seemed to be biting it!

Daniel undid the final button and brushed the sides of the shirt apart.  It was all he could do to keep from gasping at the sight of Jack's lean and muscular torso spread out before him.  Jack's dog tags were nestled against his naked skin and Daniel found his eyes riveted to them as they caught and reflected the fires flickering light.  Gently, he slid his hand up over Jack's tensing stomach.  When the hand reached Jack's chest, he took pity on his trembling CO and grabbed a handful of lapel.  Jack wasn't the only one who knew sneaky moves.  With one sharp twist of his wrist, Daniel pulled Jack right off the Sofa to land rather unceremoniously on top of Daniel.

"Go ahead Jack - kiss me!  Just promise me you'll still respect me in the morning," he said theatrically.

Then Daniel realised his mistake!  Despite the lightness of the tone, he could see that somewhere in the last few minutes, the teasing had stopped and they had now arrived at the moment of truth.  Jack blinked slowly and the muscles around his jaw clenched and unclenched rhythmically, then the unthinkable happened.  Instead of rolling quickly off his friend, he bent closer and pressed his lips to Daniel's. 

No sooner did the kiss begin that it ended with Jack jerking his head away and looking searchingly into Daniels slightly dazed eyes.  Time seemed to stop as the pair lay sprawled on the rug in front of the fire staring deeply into each others eyes, unaware that their breathing had deepened as their bodies moved subtly against one another.  Daniel's mouth fell open in shock. 

Panic began to flood through him again.  He'd wanted this for so long he ached but Jack was only doing this out of curiosity.  It was so humiliating that Daniel felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes and his throat tightened in an effort to hold them back.  He dragged his eyes away from the melting chocolate brown gaze and turned his head to the fire.

"Ok Jack - very funny.  Now will you kindly let me get up?" 

Jack's only response was to pull Daniel's face towards him again then he leaned in and moved his lips against Daniel's.  The shock make Daniel gasp and his body arched as Jack's hot probing tongue found it's way into the moist heat of his mouth. 

Jack's mind reeled! This was incredible!  He felt himself harden against Daniels quivering stomach and groaned into the soft, pliant mouth which served only to make Daniel arch even closer.  There was no mistaking Daniel's own arousal.  Jack felt like he was drowning, his body moving against Danny's with long, slow strokes that left them both shuddering with need.  It wasn't that he'd never felt this before; he knew what desire and need were, he just never thought he could feel that for another man!

"Ah Christ Danny - what are we doing?" he groaned.

This just wasn't supposed to happen.  He had only intended to talk to Danny.  Jack buried his flaming face in Daniel's exposed neck while his hands slid up under the baggy t-shirt and found the hardening nipple.  It was as if he couldn't help himself! As he rubbed a rough thumb over the nub, Daniel let out a muffled cry and sunk both of his hands into Jack's ass, hauling him closer against his straining erection.  Jack threw back his head and growled.

"Fuck! That feels so good!"

Daniel let his hands glide up Jack's taught back under the material of his shirt.  He was dimly aware that this had gone way too far and that it was up to him to make it stop.  He knew that if he asked him to, Jack would stop.  Of that he had no doubt.  All he had to do was speak. But he was also aware that the power of speech had deserted him long ago.  Jack shifted position slightly so that he was no longer lying flat on top of Daniel.  This freed his hand to slide down the perfectly smooth stomach to the waistband of Daniel's pyjamas where it froze.

Daniel looked up into Jack's burning eyes and let his body arch towards Jack's trembling hand.

"Please Jack - please ....."

"You sure?"

"Y....yes." If he knew nothing else, he knew that he wanted Jack to touch him.

Jack pressed his hand flat against Daniel's stomach then slid it down so that three fingers slipped under the waistband.  At the same time he leant forward and claimed Danny's mouth in a searing kiss, which left the archaeologist seeing stars.  As Jack's tongue darted in and out in maddening swirls, so his hand finally slid fully into the hot damp recesses of Daniel's Pyjamas to settle lightly on his straining erection.  The noise Danny made was almost feral.

"Jack, oh........ GOD! Jack, yessss," he hissed. Never in his wildest dreams had Daniel imagined that having Jack touch him like this would feel so good.  The world around him dissolved into a kaleidoscope of swirling sensations as he rocked hard against Jack's hand, his breaths coming in short panting gasps.

Jack closed his fingers tightly around Daniel and stroked harder in time to the rhythm of their darting tongues!  By the sounds coming from deep in Daniel's throat, he knew his friend wouldn't last much longer.  Jack had never felt so alive, so needed, so fucking turned on!  Daniel dragged his lips from Jacks and drove upwards into Jacks hand; head thrashing wildly now, his voice ragged with the need for release.  Jack felt his body tensing beneath him and squeezed harder.

"oh, God, don't stop ... Ah, Jesus, JACK!!"

His own erection was grinding into Daniel's thigh ready to go off any second.  He was totally fucking loosing it!  The sound of his name being shouted so gutturally had shudders racking through his body as he tried desperately to hold back.

Then Daniel arched right off the floor and threw his head back sobbing Jack's name as he came.  The sight of him so open and vulnerable sent Jack right over the edge.  One last thrust and he came too, Daniel's name on his lips, before the world dissolved in to a spinning vortex of sparkling white dots.

It was several minutes before Jack came back to himself.  His head was buried in Daniels shoulder, his hand draped across his chest.  He knew it was corny to think that he'd died and gone to heaven but the truth was he had never had sex like that in his entire life.  Technically he hadn't even had sex. How could a simple thing like a hand job so thoroughly blow the top of his head off? He lifted what remained of his head and gazed down at Danny.  His eyes were closed and his breathing was still a little irregular.  Jack kissed him gently on the tip of his nose.

"Hey?"

One dazzling blue eye opened a fraction.

"Backatcha."

"You OK?"

"You kidding?  I think I just had a genuine Out-of-the-body-experience."

Jack shifted his weight so that he wasn't crushing Daniel and reached up to brush an errant lock of hair off his forehead.  "I never meant for that to happen you know, but now that it has...I have no regrets."

Daniel took a deep breath and tried to sit up but Jack firmly pushed him back onto the carpet.

"That was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.  God, Danny I never even imagined it could feel like that.  It scared me shitless but I couldn't stop.  How do you feel?"

"I feel...wonderful.  But then I have been fantasising about this for years."

Jack frowned and rolled onto his back pulling Daniel with him so that the younger man lay draped over his chest. "You have?  Jesus, Danny I had no fucking idea!"

"I know."

"Why didn't you say something?"

Daniel laughed. "Hi Jack, what planet are we on, nice butt, mind if I stroke it?"

"Good point."

Daniel's eyes clouded over and he reached for the dog tags that had held his rapt attention a while back.  He clasped them tightly for a second then let them drop back onto Jack's chest. "Don't worry Jack.  I wont tell.   I know the drill."

Jack took his face in firm hands and forced Daniel to look into his piercing eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

Daniel was having real trouble meeting that frank gaze.  He wanted to assure Jack that he understood, that just because they had shared one earth shattering orgasm together, it didn't mean anything and that he was totally OK with whatever Jack wanted to do.  He swallowed back the bitter tears and tried to meet Jacks suspicious eyes unflinchingly. "It means that I'm not totally naive Jack - I know what just happened between us.  They call it a...a buddy-fuck.  Happens all the time, apparently.  It doesn't mean we have to pick out curtains or anything."

Jack rolled out from under Daniel and got shakily to his feet hauling his friend up with him.  His angry fingers bit deep into Daniel's shoulders. "A BUDDY-FUCK?  Is that honestly what you think just happened?  For cryin' out loud Daniel don't you get it?"

Daniel flinched away from the harshness in Jack's tone but refused to look away from the hurt in Jack's eyes.  

"See it turns out that you're right - I'm not gay - the thought of laying my hands on another man does nothing for me, unless that man is YOU."

Daniel began to tremble and Jack hauled him roughly into his chest in a bear-hug then pushed him away slightly so that he could look him in the eye.

"Daniel - I think I'm in love with you, you stupid bastard!"

Jack hauled him into his arms again and processed to kiss the shit out of him. 

Daniel felt his legs give way and clung desperately to his only anchor.  When Jack finally let him up for breath, he was giddy and shaking, and smiling. "You're an unromantic ass-hole Jack O'Neill, but I think I love you too."

Anything else he might have said was lost in the bruising crush of mouth on mouth as Jack pulled him close again. 

There was no way this was ever going to be plain sailing, but somehow, they would find a way to make it work.

 

The end

 

 

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