To Catch A Mountie

First Published: Dec. 11th, 2005
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski
Word Count: 2,807

Summary: Frannie whirled back round, mouth now gaping in shock. "You're insane. Fifty bucks says you wouldn't dare!"

"Done." Ray got to his feet. "Hey, Frase."

Fraser was excusing himself politely and trying to press through the cluster of female bodies when suddenly they parted like the red sea. "Oh hello, Ray. My, it's busy in here today. Is there something I should..."

"Kiss me!"

Ray entered the busy bullpen and immediately noticed a group of female officers crowding around Frannie's desk. In fact, he had to squeeze past them to get through the door. It always bugged him when he saw a group of women whispering. Made him feel like they were discussing him, and not in a good way.

"What you ladies plottin' this time?" he asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Hey, anyone tell you it's rude to eavesdrop?" Frannie was trying to hide something under a file on her desk but it was too late. Ray had already spotted it.

"Mistletoe, huh? As if I have to ask who you're trying to catch." Losing interest now, he turned and sauntered towards his desk. The mistletoe wasn't for him. Frannie treated him like a brother, which was for the best considering that was exactly who he was supposed to be! Just his luck that the best looking woman in the precinct was totally out of bounds due to his under cover status.

"Maybe Ray could help you out, Frannie." Officer Laura Hall grinned, the playful tone of her voice making Ray stop in his tracks and wheel back around. "I mean, he's Fraser's best friend. He could give you a few tips as to where to hang this baby, couldn't you, Ray?"

It came as no surprise to Ray that every woman in the building lusted after his straight-laced, good-looking, Canadian partner. Hell, half the men in the building felt the same way, Ray included. Right from the moment he'd first clapped eyes on the Mountie here in the bullpen... from the moment he'd hugged the confused man and breathed in the unique smell that was Benton Fraser, he'd been a gonner. His eyes glazed over for a moment at the pleasant memory, until Frannie's voice cut though his daydream.

"Oh yeah." She was standing right in front of Ray, waving the large sprig of greenery menacingly at him. "So, brother dearest. Where should we stick this?"

Man, he really wanted to give her the knee-jerk response to that question, but self-preservation won out and he bit his lip hard. Looking at officer Laura, he grinned slyly. She was just his type, tall, long reddish blonde hair, and soft lips. Well she was his 'female' type. His 'male' type was more your classic tall, dark and handsome. "You could uh, you could hang it over my desk," he suggested hopefully.

"Yeah, in your dreams," Fannie drawled, backing him up against his own desk.

"No seriously, he hangs out at my desk all the time," Ray defended, trying to slip around the side of the aforementioned desk before she could make with the poking finger. He really hated it when Frannie poked him in the chest with those sharp little nails.

But Officer Laura was nodding thoughtfully. "That's true Frannie, he has a valid point."

"Yeah, the Mountie is guaranteed to be sitting in that chair at least once a day," Huey piped up from behind his own desk. Half the bullpen was converging on Ray now and he felt more than a little trapped.

Frannie wasn't buying it though. "So does every scum-sucking mutant druggie in the precinct."

Ray finally managed to put his desk between himself and the others. "Hey, you kiss our ma with that mouth?" he growled. It was bugging the hell out of him that they were all trying to figure out ways to ambush Fraser. Every now and then, it would be nice if they tried to ambush him but he couldn't really compete with a stud like Frase now, could he? Not that competing was what he really wanted to be doing with the guy, but if Fraser was still oblivious after all this time, it probably wasn't going to happen. Maybe he was just being too subtle?

"What about the rest room? He goes in there right?" Officer Prudence Miller asked brightly.

"You wanna hang around in the men's washroom lookin' for kisses?" Ray asked scornfully.

"Good point. The break room then?"

"Jeez you're goin' about this all wrong you know?" None of them even had a clue how to get what they wanted. They didn't know Fraser half as well as they thought they did. Fraser would not fall for the mistletoe trap. He would wriggle his way out of it in a flash. Sometimes the guy was clueless, but he sure wasn't stupid. Ray knew exactly how to get results out of his partner; it was all a matter of being direct and totally unambiguous.

"Oh yeah, wise guy. Share your wisdom or shut up, okay?" Frannie was tossing the sprig from hand to hand, shedding little white berries all over the floor.

Ray took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was going to tell her this, but right now, he would do anything to get rid of the crowd. "You want Fraser to kiss you right?"

"The man's a genius," she stated, rolling her eyes for the benefit of her colleagues.

"Right here in front of everyone so that you can make all the other girls green with envy right?"

Frannie's eyes dropped momentarily with embarrassment and she rubbed at the back of her neck " Yeah, okay, right."

Ray crossed his arms over his chest and grinned. "Then all you gotta do is walk up and ask him."

"Ask him?" Laura and Pru echoed, giggling in disbelief. Frannie just shook her head and climbed up onto a chair to attach the mistletoe to the light fitting above Ray's desk.

"Sure. Ask him; tell him, whatever. He'll totally go for it. Trust me." Ray pulled out his own chair and slumped into it reaching for the pile of files on his desk so that he would have something else to look at other than Frannie finally getting her man. Someone had to bag the Mountie eventually, and that someone was obviously going to be female so why not Frannie, right? Right.

The fact that Frannie wasn't having any more luck than Ray at getting her point across with Fraser didn't make him feel any better about things. He'd more or less given up sending out signals, but it still smarted to think that eventually Fraser would end up settling down with some nice curvy female-type person to produce lots of little mountettes.

When he asked himself what all those women had to offer Fraser that he didn't, the same answer always presented itself. They could give Fraser kids, and there was no doubt in Ray's mind that Fraser would make a fantastic father.

"You're nuts," Frannie sneered, jumping down and taking a look up at her handiwork. "We can't just..."

Through the cluster of uniforms, Ray caught the approach of a flash of red serge. "Here he comes. Ask him."

Frannie's eyes went wide and she blushed pink to the roots of her hair. "Youask him!" she blurted, looking over her shoulder at the approaching Mountie.

He would never know what the hell possessed him, but before he had time to think about it, his big mouth was answering, "Okay, fine. Tongue or no tongue?"

Frannie whirled back round, mouth now gaping in shock. "You're insane. Fifty bucks says you wouldn't dare!"

"Done." Ray got to his feet. "Hey, Frase."

Fraser was excusing himself politely and trying to press through the cluster of female bodies when suddenly they parted like the red sea. "Oh hello, Ray. My, it's busy in here today. Is there something I should..."

"Kiss me."

Fraser's eyebrows shot up into his hairline and disappeared beyond the rim of his hat.

"Kiss you?"

"You heard me," Ray accused, pointing up at the greenery hanging precariously above their heads.

"Ah, well alright." Fraser tilted his head, so that he wouldn't accidentally decapitate Ray with his hat, bent at the waist and deposited a quick, dry and very chaste kiss right on his lips.

As the Mountie was straightening up, Ray took a step closer and took hold of his shoulders. "Not like that," he said quietly, reaching up and removing Fraser's hat. He handed it to Frannie who was still staring in amazement at the two men, and then he pulled the constable in even closer until their chests were touching. "I want the Full Mountie. Lips, tongue, teeth, hands, caressing..."

"The full...?" Fraser queried, his voice raising an octave. "In front of all these people? Is there a hole in your bag of marbles?"

"Witnesses, Fraser, they're called witnesses." Ray slid his hands down strong muscular arms, and then curved his fingers round Fraser's hips, tugging him closer still.

"Ah," Fraser nodded sagely, buying a clue. "Do I get an 'incision'?"

"Cut, Fraser. It's called a cut. Twenty percent," Ray answered immediately. Ever since their late-night poker game after the Denny Scarpa case, Fraser's knowledge, and subsequent mangling of the lingo no longer surprised him.

Fraser frowned. "But surely if I'm to do half the kissing..."

Rolling his eyes, Ray tilted his head and moved in for the kill. "Fifty then."

"Done," Fraser breathed against his friend's lips.

"God! They're doing it!" Frannie yelped in surprise.

Ray ignored Frannie's exclamation, unable to think of anything other than the feel of Fraser's mouth on his. His lips were warm and mobile, moving easily over Ray's, opening wide, tongue begging entry. Ray wrapped his arms around Fraser and kissed him back hungrily, sloppily, longingly.

It felt better than he'd imagined, better than anything he could have hoped for. All Ray's senses went into overdrive. Fraser smelled, tasted, looked and felt amazing and when he moaned and deepened the kiss - that sounded just amazing too. Ray shifted his hips a little to ease the pressure on his growing erection and gasped when he felt the answering heat of Fraser's hardening cock pressing against him. He jerked back from the passionate embrace to look into Fraser's dazed eyes, only to realize that everyone in the bullpen was clapping and wolf whistling and had been doing so for quite some time.

Blinking to bring his vision back online, he took a shaky step back and suddenly a very pissed-off looking Frannie was in his face, slapping a folded fifty into his hand.

"Yeah, okay. You win. Use it to get a damned room will ya!" she hissed angrily. He supposed he should feel guilty about beating her to the punch, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to feel anything other than stunned.

The other officers were stepping forward, slapping Ray and Fraser on the back or patting their shoulders, muttering things like, 'Shit, Ray, the things you'll do for money', and 'You guys should take that scam on the road, it's real convincing.' Then the ebb and flow of the busy pen resumed around them, and they were left standing there, staring at each other.

Fraser cleared his throat and picked his hat up from where Frannie had dropped it onto Ray's desk, holding it loosely in front of himself. He was effectively covering the evidence of how much their encounter had affected him. "I uh, I think I should go..."

"My place." Ray croaked weakly, using a file to hide his own embarrassment. It wasn't a question. This was not over. Not by a long shot. There were going to be questions needing answers eventually, and Ray was damned well going to be asking them. After he got though with the kissing of course.

"Your shift isn't over for another..." Fraser checked his watch, squinting at the dial, "... twenty minutes."

Trust Fraser to think about something like that at a time like this. All Ray wanted to do was get Fraser somewhere private and continue their little non-verbal communication. Cuz that had felt a lot like a real kiss to Ray, and not something a person does to win twenty-five lousy bucks! It had felt a lot like Fraser had enjoyed it. There was hard evidence. Didn't have to be a fucking detective to find it neither! Just because Fraser was looking as cool as a cucumber right now, didn't mean squat. He'd been just as turned on, Ray was sure of that.

"Fine, I'll type this report and meet you outside in twenty," he grumbled, knowing that there would be no point arguing with Dudley Do-Right. No way would Fraser let him bunk off early just so that they could make with the lip-lock again.

"You don't want me to wait here?" Fraser nodded his head towards the chair at the side of Ray's desk, eyes sparkling with humour.

Ray fed a sheet of paper into the typewriter and smiled. "You want this report to make some sense? That will not happen with you sittin' there distractin' me."

"Understood," Fraser placed his hat squarely on his head. "I'll wait in the car shall I?"

Ray tossed him the car keys, slid his glasses on, cracked his knuckles and began typing. "Yeah, good idea, get the engine warmed up for me?"

Fraser, who had been making for the door, looked back over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. "Is that a euphemism, Ray?"

Ray peered over the rim of his specs and smirked. "Thought never crossed my mind." And it hadn't. But it was sure crossing his mind now. The idea of Fraser sitting in the Goat, in the middle of the precinct parking lot with his own hand stuffed down his jodhpurs was making Ray so hard that he had to squirm about on his chair to get comfortable. Fraser gave him that little smile, the one that made his stomach lurch every damned time he saw it, but finally left Ray to finish the report.

He'd been frantically typing for about a minute when a shadow fell over his desk.

"Detective Vecchio."

"Lieutenant Welsh? Been there long?"

"Long enough. That was quite a show you put on." Welsh took a step closer.

Jesus, the lieutenant had seen that? "Yeah, um, about that...." Normally Ray's sense of self-preservation made him very aware of where in the building Welsh was at all times. Man, had he been that out of it? Just from one kiss? He licked lips suddenly gone dry and getting to his feet slowly, watched Welsh's face to see which way the wind would blow.

Welsh took another step and Ray involuntarily stepped backwards. "Huey tells me it was a bet?"

Ray found himself backed up against the wall at the side of his desk. Welsh was standing way too close and he felt like he'd just entered the twilight zone. Gulping, he cleared his throat nervously. "F...Frannie bet fifty I wouldn't do it."

Welsh looked up towards the ceiling where the damned mistletoe was still hanging and then gave his subordinate the filthiest leer Ray had ever seen which turned his blood to ice water, cuz okay, Welsh was tall, and he was dark, but he was not Ray's idea of handsome. "I got another bet for you," Welsh growled and Ray felt his legs start to shake. This was not happening, this was NOT fucking happening.

"Um, sir..."

Welsh's leer turned to a grin, then a wide smile, and then he was fighting back the laughter. Reaching up, he tugged the sprig of mistletoe from the light and dropped it onto the desk. "Relax, Vecchio, I prefer my dates a little more curvaceous. I'm just betting that you won't be able to get that report finished by the end of your shift."

He was bluffing? God damned son of a... Ray couldn't help but laugh. "Not with all these distractions, no, sir."

"Get outta here, Ray." Welsh stepped aside. "You can finish the report in the morning."

Ray blinked. Was he seeing the soft side of Harding Welsh here? Man, that was all kinds of scary. But not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, he grabbed his coat and slid past his lieutenant. "Greatness, sir. Thanks."

He was half way to the door when Welsh shouted out his name. "Hey, Vecchio?"


Welsh tossed him a small piece of the mistletoe. "You be good to him. Don't blow it okay? "

Ray smiled. Who would have thought that Welsh would be this open-minded? Then again, as long as people were doing their jobs, Welsh didn't take much interest in their private lives. "I'll do my best sir," Ray promised, sticking the mistletoe in his buttonhole and winking. Then the devil got a hold of him again and he decided to test the limits of Welsh's good humour.



"Would it be okay if I asked Fraser to blow it?"

He only just managed to duck as the rest of the mistletoe hurtled through the air above him followed by Welsh's bellowed, "Get outta here!"

The End




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